Monday, August 26, 2013

For Helena when you are able to read and understand

My dear baby Helena, The last 12 months were absolutely no fair to you. We had a very challenged diagnosis of Autism on May the 21st. Yes, it was Kyle's Birthday, and I really didn't know how to deal with it. At first I try to believe at your doctor's words that this diagnosis could change, that you could achieve the milestones you were delayed at that time. And trusting her words I followed all the instructions possible for your treatment and recovery. We started getting more hours of speech, occupational and behavioral therapy per week. I tried my best to follow all the homework, the exposure to social rules that you weren't able to understand and follow. I'm sorry for what I didn't do to not have our home broken by a divorce right on August of the same year. I hope one day you will be able to understand how hard was on me to try to keep you around your father, who through us out of the house as he mentioned to to look for sponsor at your auntie Priscila's house. He was very verbally aggressive that day, I felt scared for both of us, and didn't want you exposed to that situation right by your highchair in the kitchen. I ran away, with only you in my arms, called the police from our way to aunties house. The police recommended that I stayed away and looked for an attorney as I mentioned had found drugs inside the house. I filled for divorce 4 days after that. I could not allow any harm to your life. After that, I kept fighting to give you structure and love, that you my darling deserves the most. You are and always be the best baby in the world. I went too bed everyday thinking and wishing for the day you could talk again. For the day you could say mommy... or just cry... and with the help of Mrs. Debby on November the 18th 2012, you started talking. Your first words were numbers, but they sounded like the best numbers I ever heard " one, zero, two, six". You read the numbers in the check I was writing to get us a new apartment rental. I have a copy of that deposit check. I called Mrs. Debby and told her the news, she came right next morning to see you, and she also was amazed by your voice. Right the way you started responding to the exercises she did for months with you, you could then say "go", "bye" and "hi". After that everyday you came with new words, having numbers and spelling as your favorites. You started saying mommy right before my birthday, and it was the best gift I could ever ask in my life. Thank you! By that time you father said he will move back to Brazil and I really felt relieved. I filled for full custody, all your related decisions, medical, school, financial would be under my control. I really didn't think how to deal with that after the fact that you will no longer have a parental masculine figure in your life. That only passed my mind when you demonstrate so much love for your grandfather, who I know is your favorite person in the entire world. Holidays were great having the whole Zardo family together. You didn't care much about your gifts, or the food, or the new dress. You cared about people hugging and kissing you, showing the love you needed. Thanks for loving us all to much! We love you too! Thanks for reminding us the important thing about holidays is Family Together! The month of your birthday was cold weather and warm hearts. You spent most days being spoiled by your grandparents. Mommy was back to work at the parks for a couple weeks. I managed to get you your first annual pass for Disney, and what a big fan of "Nickey Mouse" you are. We have planned a simple going to Monkey Joe's for your Birthday, but right the day before you felt while jumping on the bed, and broke your collar bone. No more "monkeys" jumping on the bed for you sweetie. And one more challenge for mommy... dealing with a broken bone was not easy at all. You had to start school with a week late because of the pain medicine and the issues with clothing and other kids touching you. But you were so happy to get there and your teacher was absolutely in love with you in the very first day. We had the best help and care I could ever imagine from the school nurse Beverly, the bus driver Mrs. Donnet, the bus monitor they kept because of you Mrs. Evelin; all the team of therapists from school, the notes, the exercises, the love each one has for you Little Princess Helena is showing in your development now. Unfortunately you didn't score enough to get to the advance class. You will continue for one more year with the beginners. We found out, other then mental delays you now have physical delays too, and we soon will start Physical Therapy to address these issues. I no longer think or wish you will be discharged of your diagnosis, I am proud to say and care for your social condition, and I'm not afraid anymore to advocate for you and represent you, stepping always in front of every single situation we have to clear together. I found my mission on your necessities. I'll get the world to respect you! I also think sometimes you say mommy too many times... that makes me crazy! cause I pay attention on every single one ;) even if you are just saying because I wished (during fireworks Wishes at Magic Kingdom). I love you Helena and I want to know how things were when you were growing. I hope my words don't get lost and the immeasurable love I have for you will keep you filled! love, love, love Mommy Aug 2013

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Saturday, July 10, 2010